July 11, 1994

I am still cleaning out from my old studio and moving things into the new space. Yesterday I was going through some papers and found the following journal entry from 1994.

"I just finished unloading my first real glaze load. It was very successful. I have not felt this good in a very long time. And I've never been so proud of anything I've made. I had to yell a few times I was so happy.
I just really feel good inside. Seeing these pots when I opened the lid. There were a couple right there on top that just caught my eye. Special pots. Shallow bowls. And as I went further down things were okay and better. Everything came out fine. It's all sitting on the table now all layed out. Beautiful. I hope it's like this every time!"

There were a few more pages too and I'll post them later. This page really moved me and I think how even now I love to open my kiln and see all the pots, how exciting it is and how wonderful it is to be a potter. I am thankful for my meager beginnings, I remember those early pots well and how proud I was to be making something that would be useful in people's home. Most of those pots ended up in friend's and family's houses and I still have some boxed up in the barn.

I can be very hard on myself sometimes to try to cram all I can into a day. Yesterday I was sort of hard on myself for forgetting to get some things while in town, and I felt like I'd wasted a lot of time and energy. I do desire to have a simple life, but I am coming to understand that it's not all the external things that hold me up or keep me from moving forward. It's that I am too demanding on myself sometimes and that I am not allowing myself enough time to play or feel what I am feeling. I cover up, push on, stuff the pain, and rush on through. The journal entry opened me up and allowed me to feel good yesterday and to realize that I have a great life, I have choices each day as to how I spend my time and energy. I get to make nice pots that people are proud enough to use in their homes everyday. That is a great feeling. Today I am going to be good to myself, enjoy the sunshine, relax and do what I want.